Rethinking "Respect Is Earned, Not Given" in Leadership

Written by Brittany Clausen, MSW, LGSW

Source: George Stern (2025).

In many corporate and cultural settings, we’ve heard the phrase “Respect is earned, not given.” On the surface, it may sound like a call for excellence and accountability. But when we examine it through the lens of inclusive leadership and psychology, we begin to see how this mindset can actually reinforce inequity, mistrust, and bias.

At Envision Greatness, we believe that respect should be given as a baseline—not as a reward. Offering respect freely creates the conditions for trust to grow. When leaders give respect unconditionally, they communicate to others: You are inherently valuable, you belong here, and you matter.

This is especially important in the workplace, where some individuals—often due to race, gender, ability, or other social identities—are routinely required to “prove themselves” in ways that others are not.

Research indicates that women and individuals from marginalized, racial and ethnic groups often face higher expectations and must exert additional effort to demonstrate their competence in the workplace (Catalyst.org, 2023).

Here's just a few examples:

A 2023 McKinsey report highlighted that only 52 women are promoted to manager for every 100 men in the technology sector, suggesting that women must work harder to achieve similar career advancements (CIO.com, 2025).
Black workers account for about 13% of all U.S. workers, yet they are underrepresented in certain high-paying occupations and overrepresented in others, reflecting disparities that may necessitate additional efforts to achieve recognition and advancement (Pew Research Center, 2023).
A 2023 Catalyst study across six countries found that 66% of employees from marginalized racial and ethnic groups have experienced racism at work during their careers, indicating systemic biases that require these individuals to continually prove their value (2023).

Respect is a multifaceted concept that plays a pivotal role in leadership and interpersonal relationships. Understanding its nuances reveals why individuals deeply desire it and why building trust is more effective than demanding respect. Yet, not everyone receives respect on equal footing. These disparities are especially evident in professional settings, where systemic challenges often compel women and racial minorities to go above and beyond to "prove themselves" in ways not typically expected of their white male counterparts.

Whether it’s being passed over for promotions, having to repeatedly demonstrate competence, or navigating bias in the workplace, the uneven distribution of respect underscores the urgent need for leaders to give respect freely—as a foundational value, not a conditional reward. Doing so not only affirms the dignity of every team member but also fosters trust, equity, and a culture of belonging.

The Roots of Mistrust and Preconceived Notions

But why is respect withheld in the first place—and why is it harder for some to receive it than others? The answer lies in the psychology of perception and bias. Our brains are wired to form cognitive shortcuts, and these mental models often shape our assumptions about others before we consciously realize it. Over time, these preconceived notions—rooted in societal norms, past experiences, and implicit biases—can breed mistrust and reinforce inequities in how respect is distributed and earned.

1. Implicit Bias

We all carry unconscious biases—mental shortcuts based on past experiences, societal messages, and cultural conditioning. These biases often shape our initial judgments about others long before we know them. When we operate from this space without self-awareness, we may withhold respect from someone simply because they don’t fit our mental model of who’s “worthy” (Greenwald & Krieger, 2006).

2. Ingroup vs. Outgroup Thinking

Social Identity Theory (Tajfel & Turner, 1986) explains that humans naturally categorize themselves and others into groups. We tend to trust and respect those who belong to our “ingroup,” while we view outgroup members with more suspicion—even if unintentionally. This contributes to workplace cliques, exclusion, and inequities in leadership pipelines.

3. Past Trauma and Psychological Defensiveness

Mistrust can also be rooted in lived experience. For people who’ve experienced betrayal, microaggressions, or systemic harm, mistrust is often a survival response, not a personal flaw. Psychologists refer to this as defensive attribution—when individuals protect themselves by assuming others may harm or disappoint them (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016). Leaders must approach this reality with compassion, not criticism.

Demanding Respect vs. Building Trust

Some leaders make the mistake of insisting on respect through authority, hierarchy, or fear. But true, lasting respect isn’t transactional—it’s relational.

Demanding respect can lead to surface-level compliance, where people perform but don’t engage. In contrast, building trust through consistent, transparent, and ethical behavior fosters a culture where respect flows naturally in all directions (Covey & Link, 2018).

Trust is built when leaders:

Follow through on commitments
Admit when they don’t have all the answers
Show vulnerability and authenticity
Create space for others’ voices

In other words, respect isn’t just earned—it’s modeled. And that brings us to the habits that help leaders do just that.

Inspired from George Stern's "12 Habits that Will Earn You More Respect" (2025), act now by implementing the 12 Essential Habits That Build Respect in Leadership:

1. Take Ownership When You Mess Up

Accountability is powerful. Admitting mistakes, offering sincere apologies, and making things right (without deflecting blame) builds trust faster than perfection ever could.

2. Admit When You Are Unsure

Confidence doesn’t mean knowing everything—it means being honest enough to say, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” This approach promotes learning and psychological safety.

3. Be Humble, Even When You Succeed

Celebrate your wins, but stay grounded. People follow leaders who are confident but never condescending.

4. Hold Yourself to High Standards

Great leaders don’t just expect excellence from others—they live it. That means setting clear goals, meeting deadlines, and modeling consistency.

5. Speak Clearly and Directly

Clarity is a form of kindness. Say what you mean, avoid passive language, and eliminate unnecessary apologies that dilute your message.

6. Stay Calm in Stressful Situations

Leadership will always test your emotional resilience. Taking a breath, staying grounded, and responding instead of reacting sets the tone for your team.

7. Respect Other People’s Time

Start on time, end on time, and stay present. Respecting time communicates professionalism and value for others’ contributions.

8. Stand Up for Others

Whether it’s calling out bias, supporting a peer, or amplifying unheard voices—leaders advocate for justice, even when it’s uncomfortable.

9. Listen Fully Before Responding

Pause. Make eye contact. Really hear what someone is saying before forming your reply. People feel respected when they feel heard.

10. Let Actions Speak Loudest

Don’t just talk about your values—live them. Your consistency, results, and character will always speak louder than any title.

11. Keep Promises, Even if It’s Hard

Integrity is revealed in follow-through. If you commit, show up—even when it’s inconvenient.

12. Treat Everyone with Equal Respect

Inclusive leadership begins here. The way you treat a CEO should match the way you treat a server or community member. Equity and dignity are not optional—they're foundational.

References

Catalyst. (2023). Racism in the workplace: Experiences of employees from marginalized racial and ethnic groups. https://www.catalyst.org

CIO. (2025). Women in tech statistics: The hard truths of an uphill battle. Foundry. https://www.cio.com/article/201905/women-in-tech-statistics-the-hard-truths-of-an-uphill-battle.html

Covey, S. M. R., & Link, G. (2018). Smart trust: Creating prosperity, energy, and joy in a low-trust world. Free Press.

Greenwald, A. G., & Krieger, L. H. (2006). Implicit bias: Scientific foundations. California Law Review, 94(4), 945–967. https://doi.org/10.2307/20439056

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Pew Research Center. (2023, August 31). Black workers’ views and experiences in the U.S. labor force stand out in key ways. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/08/31/black-workers-views-and-experiences-in-the-us-labor-force-stand-out-in-key-ways

Stern, G. (2025). 12 habits that will earn you more respect. [Image].

Tajfel, H., & Turner, J. C. (1986). The social identity theory of intergroup behavior. In S. Worchel & W. G. Austin (Eds.), Psychology of intergroup relations (pp. 7–24). Nelson-Hall.