Leading with Vulnerability: Leadership and Authenticity

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We are all scared sometimes to be vulnerable in life in leadership. Most times we are looking for connection and overshare, focusing on the need to be liked or acknowledged, and lose our authentic selves. As I reflect on my own authenticity, I had to re-define what vulnerability, oversharing and authenticity means. 

At first, I thought being vulnerable and authentic in leadership just meant checking in with others and evaluating what tasks needed to get done. It didn’t mean being honest with others, more straightforward than anything else. I didn’t see the need to get too far into the weeds with personal connections to others. But I always craved showing a more compassionate side of me, more human. 

Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead taught me the value of vulnerability in relationships, while being mindful of not oversharing (2012). Brown defines vulnerability as a sense of believing that you are “worthy of love and belonging” (2012). She goes on to explain when a person changes their mindset to “I can be loved and belong”, it alters the perspective of opportunities to connect with others on a deeper personal level, and also professionally.

This helped me to become more vulnerable in disclosing how difficult the workload may be or bottlenecks that were outside of my control.

I continue to remove imposter syndrome and embrace that some things take time to figure out, and even more people to resolve an issue. It’s okay to say “I need more time to fix that,” or “I could use some help here.”

Additionally, Brown talks about oversharing. She explains that oversharing is being vulnerable with people you can trust and have done the work to earn your trust. That means that I don’t need to look for connection by overextending myself, bringing up performative small talk. I can attract meaningful connections in the workplace by building rapport through collective work, while practicing self-care. 

Here are a Few Tricks to Shift your Mindset with Vulnerability and Oversharing:

1. In Self-reflection, Answer “What Do I Deserve?”:  To answer this question begins with the self-realization of what you think you deserve, evaluating your self-worth, and sharing your thoughts. Evaluating your self-worth also means you take on new challenges and practice being more vulnerable with others, while prioritizing who has earned your trust.

2. Think to Yourself Before Sharing Information with Others. Ask yourself before disclosing information, “Will they listen and keep this information to themselves?” or “Is this an appropriate time to share this information? How will it benefit our relationship?”

3. Create your Own Marble Jar. Grab an empty jar and marbles or LEGOs. Then jot down the names of people who add value into your life, and who you trust. People in the jar should be individuals who keep their promises to you, have your back, practice being vulnerable with you, and hold you accountable. You’ll only remove people from your jar when they break confidentiality, take you for granted, have unreasonable expectations, or cancel/reschedule often. 

I know some refer to the term “leadership” as chief officers and supervisors of a team, but leadership is how you influence others. Which we all have the capacity to do. 

When researching power and leadership, I discovered Ben Zighi. Zighi (2023) explains how your emotions and presence can shift the environment you're in and create either a positive or negative environment: 

1. Practice self-reflection., Write down what motivates you, how your emotions make you feel about yourself, and you’ve established relationships based on how you think of yourself. relationship that you have built. 

2. If you’re feeling low, check your social environment: If you are feeling low in energy or stressed out, it is important to check your emotions and surroundings,  as it can influence the way you feel and how you respond to others. 

We all have the opportunity to be vulnerable and benefit from self-disclosure. That builds deeper connections.

But we must recognize the way we show up and how that influences others. It’s okay to want to connect. In fact, we need to. But we should be cautious in understanding that connecting with others shouldn’t come from a performative nature. It should be authentic to who we are. It should be a genuine interest and curiosity to explore, without demeaning others or forcing relationships. 

After reading this blog, I encourage you to practice being vulnerable with yourself first. What do you deserve? You deserve healthy work relationships. You deserve to see your strengths and challenges, and to grow from them. Give that gift to yourself first, then give it to those around you.

References:

Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, Love, parent, and lead. Penguin Books.

TEDx Talks. (2023, June 5). Leading with Emotional Intelligence | Ben Zoghi | TEDxTAMU. YouTube. https://youtu.be/xhUNYVzSEM4?si=0aI4ViaM-pYZtPuF 

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